My, how things have changed over the 25+ years that computers and the internet have been the center of my existence. Before laptops became so prevalent, it was a given that I got my ass out of bed to use the computer. Now, I rarely sit at a desk at home while using the computer; I usually either sit in bed or on the couch despite having 2 desks that I could sit at regardless if I’m using one of my laptops.
I used to love sitting at my desk, it felt like I was really getting shit done if I was working on something. But I guess it really is a lot to do with the convenience of a laptop, even though it shouldn’t be. There are many things I find that I’ll refrain from doing on a laptop because it feels like such a pain in the ass, especially things that involve typing, since if I’m not sitting at a desk I’m likely going to be sitting in a position on the couch or bed that makes typing less comfortable. It’s not like I have many important projects that I’m putting off because I’m too lazy to sit at the computer, but there are things I could be doing to be more productive.
There’s also the thing of how the internet has lost much of its wonder, at least for me. And that took quite a while- I estimate that the internet began losing its magic for me at the beginning of the past decade, around 2010, 15 years after I first jumped on. And I suppose a significant part of that wonder was the prospect of connecting with potentially interesting people. Chatting on IRC and instant messengers was a huge part of my online world that began a major decline around that time. Facebook slowly put an end to the era if instant messengers, and it’s ironic in how it even has its own instant messaging and there are now many more people available to chat with, but there are really only a select few that I would like to chat with, and they are rarely available.
And it’s just not the same even if someone does happen to message me. Back then, chances were good that the person you were chatting with was also behind a computer screen, and was for the most part available to chat. Now, most people are using Facebook on their mobile devices, and you have no idea what they’re doing. But you can bet that whatever it is doesn’t afford them time to focus on chatting with someone, and thus the conversation isn’t quite as rich for either party, especially the person who isn’t occupied with something else. People don’t take the time to take the shit seriously and have a relevant conversation beyond small talk, so I figure why bother? That’s not even approaching all the 12th house shit I have going on in astrology that naturally deters people from even wanting to talk to me to begin with. And according to the Human Design system, I’m a “Projector” and must “wait for the invitation” and anything I initiate will either be outright rejected, or just won’t turn out that well. When you throw all of that into the mix, I have even less inventive at trying to recreate the old days of being all social online and reaching out to people.
And the social aspect ties into many things I would like to do with a computer. For instance, I would love to get a group of people I know together online to do some online gaming with, maybe put together another OpenArena server and have online get togethers. But no one wants to do that, no one will take the time for such a thing since newer online games are so much more trendy, so I don’t have the ambition to see such a project through since my time online has shown me that it will be a huge waste of time since no one will participate in it with me.
So yeah, nowadays my computer time at home generally consists of just browsing various websites, reading articles, scrolling through Facebook or Reddit, and engaging in the occasional pointless small talk on Facebook. Oh, and lurking on Discord as well, but that’s not very fulfilling since I’ve also failed to really make any significant connections on there.