Loneliness is thinking it would have been neat to get various IT gamer people from my work together online on Discord and play some games and stuff in the evenings or weekends together during the quarantine, and finding out at almost the end of the quarantine that they did just that, and never thought to let you in on it and invite you despite all of them being aware that I’m a gamer.
Frustration is finally getting a non-personal invitation to said server, mentioning 2 new-to-them online games people could play together, and not wanting to ask when anyone actually want to play the games because you know you’ll just be disappointed at no one being interested.
Despair is remembering that it has been this way for as long as I can remember, for every job I’ve ever held and had hopes of building a good rapport with co-workers outside of work, and knowing that it will never change because I must wait for the invitation that will never arrive, due to the dark veil of the 12th house.