Another Father’s Day is here. I give thanks for what my father built and left for the family, while also wallowing in sorrow of the legacy that I’m leaving. The day is halfway over and not a single person has wished me a happy Father’s Day yet. But even if they did, that would be the extent of it. No plans for things to do for anyone, just a simple greeting, and that would be both the beginning and end of the “holiday” festivities. I shouldn’t care, really, since this is the kind of superficial shit that I strive to get away from in my quest for… whatever it is that I’m looking for. It just mostly saddens me that this is how I’ve conditioned my family to respond to holidays like this, and this is the conditioning that I was raised with as well. That holidays are no big deal and shouldn’t be fretted over since we didn’t have the money to properly celebrate them anyway, and I continued that tradition in earnest. Now that money isn’t as much of a factor, we’re just left with boredom due to me not coming up with anything for us to do as a family, and no one at all here ever thinking to take the initiative to come up with something.
I think that bothers me the most of all, that no one else here seems to ever get that spark of initiative that I get, making me want to want to attempt to make a change, to start something new or end something old and unnecessary. I inspire people to do nothing.