I often find myself lamenting about my lack of meaningful friendships. But it’s not like my dwelling has exactly been crawling with friends throughout this past decade. I realize it’s more of a thing where, say, 5 years ago, I had maybe 3 or 4 people who would occasionally come by and visit, and it was just enough I suppose. They came around infrequently enough to not be a problem, but often enough to be somewhat satisfying, with the possible exception of Shaun who was often a pain in the ass.
Now there’s only a person or two that comes around, and they’re not really people I want to spend much time with. There’s a few other options I suppose, but unfortunately there’s just enough… “baggage” that comes with those options. John T. would love to hang with me, either with me going to his place or him coming here. Unfortunately, we don’t have a lot in common anymore and are in completely different places in life. He still doesn’t have his shit together at all, and having him come here means that I would have to go pick him up and bring him here, and then I’d be stuck with him for a day or so which would get on my nerves since he talks non-stop about nothing really- just things he claims to want to do despite not being anywhere close to where he needs to be in life to make those things happen and likely never will be- he just talks a bunch of empty shit. Another option would be Matt B., but he’s in his own world with his mouth moving so fast that it’s hard to get a word in, and we have very little in common. Melinda recently came back into our lives; it was always stressful when her and “the whole hee-haw gang” would come around about 5 years ago (meaning, her and both of her kids and whatever loser man she was with). Now the kids don’t come with her, but she now has a man that is so far removed from our lifestyle that it makes it uncomfortable- a former fucking constable of all things that has never been into partying at all but tolerates her smoking. He brings her by and doesn’t say much at all, just sits and silently judges.
And it also sucks how I never quite learned how to approach new people such as my neighbors, but chances are they’re all right-wingers anyway with all those “traditional values” that I always shied away from. It may sound like I’m overthinking the shit about everything and thus defeating any chance of having new friends, but that is the curse of intuition because you know that chances are, you are 100% correct about those people.